I am writing this from my winter home in Chacala, NayarĂt, Mexico. The moon is full, hanging softly overhead in a warm tropical night sky. I can hear the ocean waves caressing the sandy beach, and mariachi music is playing in the distance. What could be more romantic?? In fact, this scenario is often used as the ultimate attainment, especially when advertising is encouraging you to buy something or take some action guaranteed to make you feel like the couple in a photo– holding hands and splashing at the edge of the surf or sitting sipping tropical drinks in the moonlight.
There is a feeling that most all humans are missing and searching for; itâ€™s the feeling of peace from knowing they are okay. The unfortunate thing is that searching and trying to achieve that okay-ness is doomed to failure, because it implies you are not okay now, here, as you are. The very okay-ness that we are often searching for is right here all the time, as us, in the perfection of the Divine Oneness that is in and through all of creation.
We canâ€™t see our okay-ness when we are searching for it. It is not lost, and canâ€™t be found. It can only be accepted as the truth right now. It does not need tropical moonlight nights, expensive cruises, the right partner, lots of money, well-behaved children, or any of the other out-of-reach goals that promise the finish line in the race for okay-ness.
If we enter romantic relationships trying to gain approval and love by being what our partner wants us to be, we are doomed. It will not be a conscious relationship; it will be a dance of lies. You deserve better than a dance of lies. You really do. As I say in Allanâ€™s Axiom #27: â€śIf you are pretending to be someone you are not in order to hold on to a relationship, you have already lost it.â€ť And, most important, you have lost your relationship with yourself.
The moon is shining. Love is in the air. The moon loves us. It reflects the light of the sun, the powerful messenger of Life for everything on this planet. The sun loves us. The air loves us. Take a deep breath right nowâ€¦ a deep conscious breath. The air that you breathe in loves you. It gives and sustains your very Life itself. That is love. Breathe again. Deeply and gently and receive the gift of love.
The moon and sun and air donâ€™t demand anything from you in order love you and give you the gift of Life. There are no bargains needed, no commitments to make, and no obligations created when you accept that love. It is freely given, and, I assume, freely received.
Spring is coming. It is a new year, a new beginning. I invite you to use this time to feel the love in the airâ€¦ to recognize you are okay because you are here. The sun and moon and air know it. They offer you the most precious gift, the gift of Life, each and every moment. Perhaps you can ask them to be your guide to loving yourself and others they way they love you. Your okay-ness is reflected in the love you receive from creation. You are hereby approved, and need to do nothing more! The search is over.
Take this love you receive from creation into all your relationships. Give it as freely as it has been given to you. It doesnâ€™t even matter how it is received. The air doesnâ€™t care if you are grateful for itâ€™s loveâ€”it gives because that is its nature. Perhaps your nature is the same as the airâ€™sâ€”after all, you and the air and the sun and moon are all parts of the same creation.
Take a deep breath.
Allan Hardman is a relationship coach, author, teacher, and Toltec Master, trained by Miguel Ruiz in the tradition The Four Agreements. He is the author of The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book. For information about his spiritual coaching, his online Toltec apprentice community, or to subscribe to his free e-newsletter, visit: www.joydancer.com. Or call (707) 528-1271. E-mail comments: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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